Dinner Plates > Chopping Boards

I eat my dinner off a plate at home. This is because they are specifically designed for this purpose and do the job well.

They are slightly recessed, meaning that if you’ve prepared something with a bit of wetness - like a succulent piece of meat or anything with a sauce – it is unlikely to start seeping onto the table, tray, or (if you must) lap.

Now, the history of the dinner plate is long and quite boring. So, I won’t go into much detail. But basically, it all started with man eating off of large and presumably quite sturdy leaves. Then we migrated to eating off slabs of wood or bits of rock before finally, through much R&D, the circular ceramic job was invented.

It would be a regression, then, wouldn’t it? To go back to eating off leaves, bits of wood, or chunks of rock. That kind of practise is surely all in the past. Surely we can say we’re better than that now.

You’d certainly be forgiven for thinking so. But, it's not the case. For if you go into any pub these days you’re going to end up being served a burger on a wooden chopping board or a bit of old slate. It’s just inevitable.

Why is this the case? What happened to proper dishing up? Is this a done away with step in the serving process? Who gave this permission? I think we need a word.

Now, burgers are exactly the kind of food you want to eat from a plate. Especially as the current vogue is for them to be stacked with so much stuff that it is impossible to simply pick up and direct them gob-wards. As our forefathers did.

And even if you do manage to squash them down, open wide, and take a bite, 80% of the content is going to fall out. So, these days there’s no real choice but to deconstruct the burger and attack it with a knife and fork.

Trying to do this on a chopping board, however, just this means everything goes everywhere. Pickles fly in various directiong, meat juices seep off and onto the table, the tomato takes up too much room and weeps all over. Absolutely nothing is safe from being spilt.

And where do you decant the ketchup?

As if this isn't bad enough, wooden chopping boards are notoriously hard to clean. So, ridiculously, you’re provided with a thin layer of paper under your food to make the dishwasher’s job easier.

But this will just get cut up with the food, find its way onto the fork and also into your mouth. You'll be eating paper.

Who wants this? How is this better?

"It’s about the aesthetic", I’m often told when I bring this up. "It looks rustic, it adds value".

Nonsense. It looks like a job unfinished. By all means assemble the burger on the chopping board, but finish the job - pop it on a plate.

If not, you might as well just plonk whatever’s been ordered straight on the table without any kind of dish at all. The food will end up there anyway. Save yourself the hassle! “Did you order the chilli and rice, sir? Very good, shall I just spoon it straight onto the table or would you prefer it immediately in your lap?”.

And don’t get me started on serving 6 chips in a bucket.